Saturday, March 14, 2015


When I write "paper shorts", I am not talking about a cute craft made of short pieces of paper.  Nope.  I am referring to paper shorts, shorts that you wear, that are made of a doctor's office...and beyond.  That beyond part was also the Friday the Thirteenth Walk of Shame part.

It all started when I discovered an MD who specializes in injections for arthritic (and other) joint pain.  Instead of using just the sense of touch after taking xrays to decide where to insert the needle for injections into joints, he inserts the needle while viewing with ultra sound exactly where it is going into the (in my case) knee joint .  I had to postpone my first appointment with this doctor last month.  So I was really ready to get it done, and at the time of making the appointment for today, the fact that it was Friday the Thirteenth really didn't give me much pause for thought. 

It was my first visit with this Dr. and I had worn a loose pair of slacks so that it would be easy to just pull my pants leg up for xrays, examination, injection, etc.  But I was in for a big (but not big enough for me) surprise.  Paper Shorts! The medical assistant asked that I remove my slacks and please put on these Navy Blue Paper Shorts.  Who would have thought that they even made Paper Shorts?  She handed me the pair of 3 sizes too small Paper Shorts, and I told her that I really didn't think they would fit.  She told me to go ahead and try them.  

I did.  They didn't fit, but I managed to get them up over my behind, and then my belly, just barely.  I am fat.  I know that paper doesn't stretch, but somehow I got into those Paper Shorts.  That might have been some sort of Friday the Thirteenth miracle, if there is such a thing  And so I was wearing my forest green long sleeve turtleneck top, my Navy Blue Paper Shorts, my  white sausage thighs squeezing out from the bottom hem (edge) of the Paper Shorts, black socks, and my black leather oxford shoes.  A new Friday the Thirteenth movie might be coming out featuring this classic outfit.

The medical assistant came back in and asked me to follow her.  So we started the trek.  I was thinking it would be just a couple of doors down.  But no, we went down the hall, around the corner, around another corner, to an elevator, with several other people on it already, then after getting off the elevator down another people-filled hall and around some more corners and finally into the xray room.  The whole way I feared that my Navy Blue Paper shorts were going to split wide open, like the skin of a really giant over ripe blue grape. The xrays went quickly and then we headed back.  Only this time we managed to catch an elevator ride with a handsome young UPS driver.  He was wearing shorts, too.  But not Paper Shorts.  I hope that he averted his eyes to avoid having the image of me in my Friday the Thirteenth Paper Shorts costume forever seared into his retinas.  Oh my, I just had the thought that someone might have recorded this costume on their phone for submission to some weird video site. I am glad I didn't think of that until now. Finally, it took forever, we got back to my little room.

After my Friday the Thirteenth Walk of Shame in the tighter-than-my-skin Paper Shorts, the discomfort of the needle being inserted deep into my painfully arthritic knee joint was a breeze.

I really liked this doctor and this injection method seems to be a real improvement over what I have experienced in the past, which sometimes had been kind of like Pin the Tail on The Donkey, only the tail was a long needle and the donkey was my knee joint.  Next time I will BMOS (bring my own shorts).
Sorry, I don't have a picture of my Friday the Thirteenth Paper Shorts here for you tonight. You could use your imagination to envision how they looked on me, and then multiply the ugly by 235 percent. I did bring them home with me, though. I am resting my knee tonight. The shorts really don't look that bad unless they are on me.


  1. Oh POOR you!
    How very inconsiderate of them!
    Oh, but I laughed, my friend ~ with a generous 'side' of sympathy : )
    Worth it if your knee treatment improves?
    Perhaps you could make your own paper ones for next time, with matching bikini top!

  2. Oh my gosh what an adventure you had. YIKES! I'm glad they lasted your whole walk.

    Hope your knee will feel much better after this treatment.

    Happy Spring ~ FlowerLady

  3. I had to laugh at your description of the blue paper shorts. They should have had a hospital gown to put on you over the shorts. I hope the treatment helps. Have a blessed day. Madeline

  4. Bless your heart. I can imagine myself going through such a situation. Maybe someone should suggest them getting some long paper skirts for the ladies. I have had similar embarrassing moments at doctor offices. I do hope the shot help wonderfully for you. Blessings ♡

  5. At first, I smiled then I winced, then I giggled a little, then I really started to wince and empathise, for it was as if you were describing me ~although I've never worn paper shorts. Okay, I still laughed, for you said everything with such grace and humour. I am happy they held up, and I love your honesty in all of this.
    bye the bye ~ the hospital should be ashamed of themselves!
    ~~~Deb in Wales

  6. .hello Susie .... My hubby had an injection in his knee for the pain he was having and it gave him wonderful relief that lasted many months ... I hope you have a similar success......... you deserve it after your embarrassing experience... I've never heard of paper shorts before... Ive had to wear paper hospital gowns but never paper shorts. Hugs .... Barb xxxx

  7. I even hate the robes..and stubbornly put them on backwards so I can hold the front closed.
    It's bad enough we are being examined..because something is not quite right..but really they should rethink comfort and care.
    My last take all your clothes off and it's a papre robe that meets on the side.
    I said could they have made these even smaller?
    I feel everything you have said about hospital wardrobes.
    It's bad enough we are there. :(
    I do hope your leg gets much better.
    I know these things should not be important.But they are.

  8. What a vision of you I had in my head! But glad the end result was a success!

  9. What a nightmare. you would have thought that they would have a room close to the xray room for people to change in. I bet you were nervous until you got those off. I hate all that paper clothing.
    Glad that your knee is feeling better.

  10. Oh my goodness, I am laughing so hard - not at you, but with you, my Dear! Oh, we have all been in those kinds of humiliating situations, haven't we? That would be right up there with those dreams of showing up at school, work, etc. in your underwear! So glad it is all ending well for you and hopefully with less pain! I would burn those paper shorts on a lovely bonfire.....Lol! xo Karen

  11. she would have had to beat me with a rubber hose, a cat o nine tails, and a pack of wild horse to make me walk down any hall in a pair of too tight paper shorts! I look back over my life and remember the times I've had to allow myself to be humiliated and I simply will not do it anymore. I refuse! I haven't worn shorts or a bathing suit or even a dress for years and years and I would certainly not do it for any stranger!
    However.. :) I admire your ability to be mature about it and follow directions! Would I have made a scene...probably!
    However now that I think about it, Susie, my knee is killing me ..and maybe, like yoiu, I would do almost anything to get some relief! What a great bit of writing! I was right there with you the entire way!

  12. Just popping over from Codlins and Cream 2 to say hello and thank you for posting. Oh my, how embarassing for you to be trotted all over the hospital in front of other PEOPLE in paper pants! I'd have been mortified too (especially by my tummy, although the old pins aren't too bad!) Here in Wales we get an open down the back cotton gown which you wear after divesting yourself of the necessary garments, and you only have to skip across a few yards of tiled floor from cubicle to X-Ray room. Far more civilized than your parade. I just hope that the injection works for you.